all i am is a fragmented sentence
half-drunk cups of coffee strewn over the countertops
half-finished storylines where characters stopped speaking mid-sentence
half-hearted apologies because i meant what i said
half-this, half-that and never quite enough
i might never call again, because i’m ashamed to call myself your friend
i might never finish that song, because every time it plays i think of you
i might never love after you, because i will never be over it
i am half the woman i could be. i am half the writer i could be. i am half of the daughter i could be. i am half of the friend i could be. i half of the lover i could be.
all because of my inability to just fini–
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I was corrupted from a young age to believe in myself
and I used to
when I awarded participation trophies
and was told I could do amazing things
fast forward to high school
participation is a pretty word for loser
for not good enough
and the amazing things you were going to don’t seem not to matter
bloom or die
succeed or surrender
get a good score on your ACTs and SATs
and maybe you’ll make it
our generation is ‘entitled’ and ‘lazy’ the older ones sneer
when they raised us to believe we could do anything
and stole that confidence away
we didn’t make participation trophies, they were handed to us.
I want a new main character in young adult fiction.
One who doesn’t fall in love.
One who deals with bullies, and the worst bully is herself.
She tries to be everything everyone wants her to be, and crumbles more and more ever day.
You see it throughout the book. Her thought process.
She starts on top. Yet–page by page, negative connotations and anxiety, take you on the journey of her mind.
And, by the end she’s sitting in the ruins of her life.
She wonders how she got her, and she wants to blame everyone else.
It was her.