I want a new main character in young adult fiction.
One who doesn’t fall in love.
One who deals with bullies, and the worst bully is herself.
She tries to be everything everyone wants her to be, and crumbles more and more ever day.
You see it throughout the book. Her thought process.
She starts on top. Yet–page by page, negative connotations and anxiety, take you on the journey of her mind.
And, by the end she’s sitting in the ruins of her life.
She wonders how she got her, and she wants to blame everyone else.
It was her.
no one will be you again
after you die
no one has your life
and can see with your perspective
no one will be a better fit for your soul mate,
they’ll wonder where you are…
no one will have your kids,
they won’t have your creativity and bright eyes
no one has your smile
or your sassy, snarky attitude.
no one will be the writer you are,
you craft characters; breathed life into them
so, hold on
you are more than you feel you are
No matter how hard I try my parents will never understand.
They took my phone away, because of my negative thoughts. I tried to tell them that punishing me isn’t going to help at all. They didn’t care.
So, now I can’t talk to anyone, because I will never talk to them about my feelings again, and it’s my thoughts and I.
And, it’s worse. I’m so much worse.
People help me remember what’s real and what’s not.
Pray for me, because I feel like I’m dying.
And, I don’t know if I’ll make it to next week.
wearing flowers crowns in your hair,
and crying when the flowers wilt
watching someone enter your life,
and watching them leave
but, you move on
you make more crowns and meet more people
He typed, “I NEED you Olivia.”
I cried as I laid in my bed.
It wasn’t like all the boys I had known, who said to those four words to fill the void, and make me stay on the planet for one more day. It wasn’t meaningless. It was a cry.
“And I responded with angry because I’m scared for you, when really you deserve love.” I sob on the pillow.
“Love?” I scoff. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
And, his love isn’t full of lust or jealousy. It is friendly and understanding. That’s all I need, right now at least.
That’s the story of how I’m alive another day. Because, someone said they needed me, and how I deserve love.
That changed my perspective. I never thought I deserved anything…especially love.
he was the evil I hid
and it was fun at first
but then–it was too much
they say you shouldn’t feed the monster
but I did, because I’m a rebel
and it felt right
they say sin is wrong, but isn’t it fun?
don’t you feel like you’re flying?
when really you’re falling?
now I’ve hit the rock bottom
tiny shards of glass
and people can’t pick me back up
I wish I would’ve listened
now I’m too far gone.
we might all know the definition of free
but who you are today
is a result of someone
who like you, were influenced
and your grandma was abused
and your mother bullied
and your dad was a rebel
and your grandpa didn’t have a dad at all
you’re a result of the failings and glories
because, they learned that life is give and take
and you are never “free”
and that giving into their wishes is easier
I think that bothers you
you are more than mediocre life
and paying bills and making money
and sinking away until you die nameless
being free, screw that
you are going to take from life,
rise above stereotypes of being a childbearing matron,
and having a 9 to 5 job
being human, screw that
you are the sun for someone
and the rain for others
breathing and seeing others for who they are.
and you won’t hide your past from your children
because you think they can’t handle it
they need to know you’re real and alive
and they’re not alone.