rearview mirror.

i'm tired of looking at myself in the rearview mirror of the car wondering waiting watching for a sign i did something right and if nothing else, i just want to prove to myself there is something i am good for besides breaking crashing wrecking the lives around me.  

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nothing changes, except everything…

you never plan to live your life broken and torn, it just happens, nothing changes except everything. and, people are telling you're not what they expected when they see you after ten years. you wonder if you should take that offensively, but you just smile and brush it off. the house you live in has new creaks in… Continue reading nothing changes, except everything…

approval.

no one ever approves, everyone shakes their head, and gives their reasons, never listens to yours, doesn't validate your feelings, too young. too dumb. too naïve. blind girl, with your head in the clouds, snap out of it. to hell with you, i love the clouds. and, i swear i will touch the sky one… Continue reading approval.

counting the stars.

Mom drives the rental car on a midnight Saturday. I lean my head out an open window, and count the stars, one, where are you, two, the stars are brighter here, three, is that Orion, or is that you? We sped along, and I gaped at Orion. I traced his belt with my hand, and… Continue reading counting the stars.

you, me, and the beach.

I look over at him, his kakis rolled up, his hair messy and his eyes awash with sleepiness. He is knee-deep in his socks, wading in the ocean. I'm sitting in the sand, watching the horizon and him acting like a fool. The beach is lonely without us; no one comes to visit her here in the midnight. The tide… Continue reading you, me, and the beach.

a warm memory.

Everyone asks what happened to you...where you've been...weren't you best friends? I smile. Yes, we were. My heart sinks. We were, weren't we? I can't hide the past, even though it hurts sometimes. I still drink out of coffee cup, have the prom photos hung up in my room, and the letters you wrote me… Continue reading a warm memory.

emotional wreck.

"I am an emotional wreck," I said when my life felt it was falling into pieces. Nothing seemed right. My emotions were rampant, and I didn't know if I was feeling one without feeling another. "My emotional wreck." He responded. I knew he didn't know the half it; that he didn't understand the fractures and how I reset… Continue reading emotional wreck.