survivors.

I think one day,

we’ll sing the anthems from our adolescence

that made us feel alive

when the world was crumbling

and our souls felt like they were drugged

and smile, instead of cry

because we made it…

and I thought for so long we wouldn’t.

 

 

 

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Cure-All Songs

Songs I’m listening to right now to help me…

Tears–Clean Bandit, Louisa Johnson

THE WHOLE ENTIRE WIPED OUT! By The Neighbourhood ALBUM. Gosh, this helps me through it all. Especially–Daddy Issues, Cry Baby, Single, The Beach, and Prey.

Maybe–Birdy. We can hope right?

I Sold My Bed, But Not My Stereo–Capital Cities. The lyric, black is my favorite color, makes me feel like we know each other, hits home.

Cancer–Twenty-One Pilots. I will not kiss you…lips are chapped. Yes, heck yes, I feel this SO much.

We Don’t Talk Anymore–Charlie Puth, Selena Gomez. It makes me cry…because it’s true.

Here’s To Us–Ellie Goulding. I know you see her and never me….and now I’m crying.

Codes–Ellie Goulding. I mentioned this song in another blog post.

Drive–Halsey. All we do is drive, searching for sign, sick and full of pride. This hits home…

Breakup In A Small Town–Sam Hunt. Now, this is so hypocritical, because I dislike country music and Sam Hunt. But this one song, is SO true, I cringe in pain.

FOOLS–Troye Sivan. I sing this song, and almost scream the lyrics out of anger.

Soap–Melanie Martinez. I feel it comin’ out my throat, guess I better wash my mouth with soap….should have never said the word love, threw a toaster in the bathtub.

That’s all for now. It will grow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Music Is My Escape.

There a side of me which only comes out when I’m alone. When I turn on the stereo full-blast and listen to music.

It is only then, I sing confidently and to my full potential. It is only then, something in me comes alive.

No makeup on, my hair thrown up in a messy bun, pajamas, and chores to do.

Sometimes, I sing love ballads. I act like the boy on the track is singing to me, and my voice is all he wants to hear. I harmonize with him and feel like if he was in front of me, he would take my hands.

There are times I sing sad songs. Usually when I’m in terrible mood, Birdy comes on, and I sing with her tears streaming down my face.

Other times, I listen to my endless alternative/singer-songwriter/indie playlist. I play my air guitar, and sing the words I know by heart (especially Fun. and Coldplay because they’re my favorite alt. bands.)  Sometimes, I have to sing fast with Twenty-One Pilots and Ed Sherran.

And then there’s my decades music. My 80’s hard rock and pop, 90’s grunge and pop, 70’s funk, 60’s classic rock, and even 50’s doo-wop. My favorite is probably the 60’s or 80’s, they’re extremely fun to sing your heart out to.

I dance because no one’s watching, sometimes by myself twirling around the house, sometimes with a broom.

But perhaps my favorite thing to do is turn on my totally girl playlist–my Paramore, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, 5SOS, One Direction, Meghan Trainor, and etc. playlist. The songs that lift me up in a moment. Usually, I’ll do my makeup ridiculously and dress in the coolest things I own–and I’ll pretend I’m in a music video. I’ll flip my hair and roll my eyes–be this sassy, drama queen.

After the music stops, I sit on the couch, smiling. Sure, no one really knows this side of me, but some have caught glimpses of her–when I rapped in Caroli’s brother’s car and her jaw dropped or we danced at the Ellie Goulding concert. When Sunny saw me lip-sync  to Shut Up And Dance or we sang Sweater Weather in the mall.

Music is an escape. If I focus on their words, and find the harmonies, I lose myself in the process. I don’t know where I go, but it’s paradise. When hurt, I turn on my headphones and sink away. I want to block people out, not talk. I want to find some lyric that describes my mood.

I truly know the meaning for ‘shaking it off.’ I’ve done it so many times, because it’s true…people are going to be fake, they’re going to keep gossiping, lying, stealing, cheating, hating, leaving. But I’ve learned just wait until you’re alone, turn on some songs, and sing and dance until your heart is lifted.

 

 

Song Lyrics

Music and I have a long history. I used to want to be a professional singer (as y’all probably know.) But have you ever heard lyrics, and you just fall in love with them? So much in love you could listen to that one part of the same song until you die?

I have–and the following ones are some of my favorites.

‘Is there anybody out there, waiting for me?’ Lost and Found, Ellie Goulding.

‘When she was just a girl, she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep, and dreamed of paradise.’ Paradise, Coldplay

‘Someday when I’m awfully old and the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you.’  The Way You Look Tonight, Frank Sinatra

‘When the world comes in they come to build a wall between us, you know they won’t win.’ Don’t Dream It’s Over, Crowded House

‘Momma said, you can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait. She said, love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.’ You Can’t Hurry Love, The Supremes/Phil Collins.

‘Slow down you crazy child, you’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But tell me if you’re so smart, then why are you so afraid.’ Vienna, Billy Joel.

‘I’ve been sleepless at night, cause I don’t know how I feel. I’ve been waiting on you…just to say something real.’ Let It All Go, Birdy/Rhodes.

‘Cause she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts. She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers, dreaming about the day when you wake up and find what you’ve been looking for has been here the whole time.’ You Belong With Me, Taylor Swift

‘We fall in love till it hurts or bleeds or fades in time.’ State of Grace, Taylor Swift.

‘Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity, scared of my own ceiling, scared I’ll die of uncertainty.’ Doubt, Twenty-One Pilots.

‘We had some good times didn’t we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeves, but this is not the end…I’ll see your face again.’ Walking In The Wind, One Direction.

 

 

 

Enchanted.

I am listening to Taylor Swift’s older music. I’ve missed it. The innocence. The dream-like lyrics. I can relate now that I’m older.

So now I’m in Study Hall, whipping my hair, mouthing the words energetically, and tapping my feet. The old ladies are giving me looks, who cares? I love this song, and it’s Pandora, so I might never hear it again…

This brings back memories. Sunny, dancing around in your room and singing off-key. When my cousin loved Our Song, and she showed me the ‘dance.’ In the car, annoying my Dad blaring I Knew You Were Trouble. Listening to Enchanted and thinking, “I feel you Taylor.” Technically still do. The day I had a Taylor Swift music video marathon (I need to do that AGAIN.)