sadness and i go as far back as birth
i entered this world crying
joy tells me
just because i’ve known something my whole life
doesn’t mean i don’t deserve change
i’m ignoring sadness’ calls and dancing around my room with joy.
a excerpt from my poetry volume, logolepsy, coming soon.
never underestimate me
the damsel in the distress
can burn her tower to the ground
there are always two sides to the story
and i am always on the wrong side
because i trusted you, darling.
don’t tell me mental illnesses doesn’t change you
when I am finally singing my favorite songs again
getting out of the house
talking to people, and opening up to my friends
learning how to love right
finding who I am as a person
don’t tell me mental illness doesn’t affect my outlook on life
you look for the scars on others,
you hear, ‘I’m okay,’ as ‘help me.’
you watch for the pauses or breaks in people’s voices
you worry about your loved ones
you fear relapse at every turn
strip away this girl.
give her pink nail polish, instead of black.
let her read magazines instead of philosophies.
give her coffee with cream and two sugars; black seems too bitter.
let her bury herself between rose fragrances and blush eyeshadows.
give her hope that sweet will cut the bitterness. even though we know, bitter starts at a young age, when someone decided you weren’t too young to learn adult-things.
trade in the clash for radio hits.
laugh, smile, laugh, smile…just get used to it.
trade in her poetry journal entries for the ridiculous journals in the stores that say, you’ve got this or boss.
…you’ll get used to this.
give her hope this hole in her heart, six feet deeper every year, can be fixed by brainwashing herself to be happy.
the words don’t help me anymore.
it burns to even breathe.
the music makes me shake.
but I’m used to it, it comes and goes
this time though, it is overwhelming.
NO ONE will tell me how to feel
NO ONE will hold me captive
–a rebellion is coming.
I told him how far I had fallen,
held my breath for the goodbye
for him to leave
but he just said,
I’m not mad, we’re all human, love
and, what would I do without you?
making me feel new when I have messed up
I called her, admitting things
I had been afraid to say
sobbing, crying, ashamed
and she just said
we’re all human, I could never judge you
and, the earth stopped shaking
when she chose to love me not hate me.
I am constantly
shortening my hair
changing the photos on the walls
reading new books
(it’s because I’m not comfortable with who I am yet.)
I sit in the silence of my room and sift through my thoughts.
and, they bleed
through the walls
and, tell me the secrets/regrets/fears
I harbor here.