i will be alright someday. she whispers that under the cloudy violet skies. her friends are dancing to the pop tracks and she’s desperately trying–she escapes to the bathroom–
finds her reflection and stares at her intently
she softly touches the glass wishing this was a dream.
reality is a cruel joke.
birds stop singing after a while
they get tired
and i am quite
close to stopping
i look at you in the bookstore and you’re reading poetry connecting us to galaxies. we’re calling it research but we’re just dissolving in a chemical wash of emotions.
yesterday. we weren’t always this close and i never took the time to find out why.
today though. we walk together towards something we’re not sure of. we’ve changed but i love who we are.
and the girls who crumpled in a fire–of mental illness, abusive men, afraid of who we were, and wallflower tendencies–found each other.
nothing is more powerful than us walking down to graduate together. here, with healthy relationships, loving men, unashamed of our quirks, and conquering our wallflower personalities.
that’s a chemical equation even i know could burn you if you handle it wrong.
i smile at you in the bookstore and grasp your hand. i am holding onto this moment.
my stardust girl.
the most important lessons i’ve learned so far in my eighteen years:
- you are your own person. things like boundaries are boring.
- life is too short to not pick wildflowers.
- or to smile at strangers in cars.
- if someone says you can’t; you might as well do it.
- love who you love, even if it ends badly…
- fight for what you love. but, also know when to peaceably protest for what you love.
- never tell people how to live their lives; only supply guidance. they’ll listen to you more.
- break the rules. don’t capitalize letters. don’t do things because it’s orthodox.
- maybe the things you want don’t want you back. that hurts like hell.
- rejection is unavoidable.
- if someone leaves; no one made them,
- and you are not responsible for that.
- friends are soul-mates. platonic love will you make you feel alive.
- cry tears of joy/pain, but always drive somewhere with music loud after you’re done.
- suicide is never the answer and should never be an option.
- get help. talk about mental illness. open up. open up. it will save you.
- and once you think you are done with the person you are; look in the mirror once more
- because who you are is beautiful
- you are changeable, melding, and you are always seeing the world in a hue of color someone doesn’t know about.
some say crazy
but aren’t all artists just that?
on the brink of something and
fighting philosophical battles
and up till the dawn wishing to be
more than ordinary?
i say artists are the true revolutionists
i was driving 45 down the road
and i don’t know if you saw me
but i saw you
and i turned my music louder
than ever before to distract me
from the empty spot in your passenger seat
that should be filled by me
i will not end up broken by this
no matter how many people say i will
because you’re still here
and i’m still yours
some love stories are that simple
you’re the kind of person who i want to hear on the regular
the kind i change the radio stations constantly for
and the kind who listens to beach reggae
but changes it for me because i love soft indie
and the kind who treats me right because you think i’m special
and laugh at me when i try to convince you i’m not
(that’s the kind of person i fall in love with more and more)
to all the ones who once loved me:
thank you for building me up compliment after compliment
only to decide to leave
i know true love now is not found in words
but in actions
and your eyes were always watching the exit sign
some lessons are painful
i dance in the springs rains
my contorted reflections are breaking into pieces
with every twirl i stamp on them
and i tell the sky,
i’m here to stay