waterlogged.

salt water stains on my shirt
trickling down my cheeks
an angel with blonde hair
and a red dress
calmed me, rinsed
my face with cold water
now no one will know,
she said with a sad smile.

I live in yellow tiled floors
lemon, lavender scented
stalls with a seat for one
girls whisper their secrets here
in my kingdom of stifled sobs
sink water
fake smiles
(I imitate my blonde angel’s)

I watched a little girl cry
gloomily, I rinse her face
now no one will know
I whisper; she goes on
I was her caramel angel
but I wasn’t an angel
my halo was flushed away
my wings are saturated

sometime long ago
a blonde girl was trained
to hide her feelings
and I wonder why she cried
why I cry
why the little girls cries
and why we try to
wash it down the sink.

we weren’t angels,
so fallen, so waterlogged
we couldn’t even reassure
someone they were alright
because we weren’t alright
all along we were demons
who hid on yellow tiles floors
that smelled of bleach
(we should’ve licked it up)

Dear Someone XXXVI

Dear Someone,

I want a new main character in young adult fiction.

One who doesn’t fall in love.

One who deals with bullies, and the worst bully is herself.

She tries to be everything everyone wants her to be, and crumbles more and more ever day.

You see it throughout the book. Her thought process.

She starts on top. Yet–page by page, negative connotations and anxiety, take you on the journey of her mind.

And, by the end she’s sitting in the ruins of her life.

She wonders how she got her, and she wants to blame everyone else.

But–you know.

It was her.

Love,

Liv

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

gas station girl.

navy blue skies
filled with ashy clouds
threatening rain
humid air;
it’s clammy hands
grabbing at her skin

thriving on
Arizona teas
and gas station
florescent lights
driving around in the
beat up car

trying to get her to
pay him mind
he told her
pretty wasn’t everything
but by god,
it was something

because, pretty
is what you think of
on long nights
what you hold onto
substance of body
over substance of mind

she laughed
because, her mind is
over stimulated
and her worn body roams
from gas station to gas station,
her face set in a frown

married to the air
and the sky
married to a feeling
of freedom
to this car
not to his smoking silhouette

women.

it always confused me

that girls noticed

a look you gave a cute boy

more than the cuts on your arms

that they cared

about who you liked

more than your thoughts

 

I started asking people

less about their crushes and style

I ask about their

wellbeing, beliefs, dreams, & fears

we can talk about boys our entire lives

right now, we should focus on ourselves

become the best women we can be.

 

 

 

analysis of self.

I don’t recognize myself anymore,

who is this girl?

I never look her in the eyes

or tears will ruin her perfect facade

of foundation and mascara

and then everyone will know.

 

people say, “I love you.”

people say, “you’re not alone.”

but I feel alone

when they hug me, I feel numb

as if I was static on the television

as if I was peering in from the window

 

24 hours of misery

sometimes a break in between.

I’m lying because I’m so accustomed

to keeping my feelings to myself.

I hardly cry, instead I bleed

I hardly try anymore.

 

and, I’m scared to be happy

because I know what’s like to have it stolen

and, I’m scared of what people think

because I know what’s it like to be rejected

and, I’m not scared to die

because I’m so damn tired of fighting myself.

 

 

 

 

there she goes.

there she goes

laughing at someone’s joke

society’s embodiment of beauty

kind, her smiles sent warmth to your soul

they told me once,

she was the greatest person you’d ever meet

 

there she goes

the laugh occurs less often

she keeps confiding in others she feels ugly

her smiles hold cries for help

she’s trying to tell someone,

the greatest problem she’s ever faced

 

there she goes

the laugh is forced

she refused the meal in front of her

she dazes off with a frown

yet–no one notices

the greatest girl wears the greatest facade.

 

there she lies

there’s no laughter

her body looks malnourished

a slight smile of relief curls on her blue lips

everyone is crying, everyone is confused why,

the greatest girl died…but I know why…