Everyone asks what happened to you…where you’ve been…weren’t you best friends?
I smile. Yes, we were. My heart sinks.
We were, weren’t we? I can’t hide the past, even though it hurts sometimes.
I still drink out of coffee cup, have the prom photos hung up in my room, and the letters you wrote me for my birthday. I couldn’t get rid of them.
You are apart of me. Fall days full of painting gourds, trips to gas stations, and laughing until our stomachs hurt. And, as it grow colder, I can feel my memories and nostalgia taking the place of you.
You’re a warm memory now. The apple cider. The sweater I’m wearing to keep out the wind.
I get tipsy off tea samples, and you don’t mind at all.
I sang along to the song in the car, and you laughed at my dramatic reenactment.
I am raw at midnight, and we sit and talk on the couch.
I communicate with you through glances, smiles, and winks.
Someday, we’ll drive to the best place to watch the sunrise, and order cappuccinos at a drive thru.
We’ll name the stars, and you’ll paint the sun coming over us.
We’ll forever be set in poetry.
please don’t say goodbye again,
it’s breaking my heart.
I didn’t realize how lonely I was,
until you came and we talked for an hour.
it wasn’t long enough…
and soon you’ll be going home again
when this was once your home
this is heartbreaking,
I have to stop dwelling on the past.
We sat side by side in the dressing room,
tears streaming down our faces,
broken, bleeding, crying for help;
you held my hand, and said we had to stay friends,
fight the impending pages rustling by quickly…
I want to freeze time and stay with you.
I want to miss you every time I see a blonde;
to keep writing you letters with ‘I love you,’ implied in every line.
Life is cruel.
I won’t let it take you from me.
I love you too much.
The Neighbourhood came out with an EP,
and I thought of you…the days we would sit in your brother’s Subaru, and sing the lyrics to The Beach.
You’re right…I’m abrasive, cold, and suppress emotions. I don’t want to hurt the people around me. I don’t want to disappoint.
When you wrote it though, I cried. I just realized how you actually saw me. And, I know you saw how I actually saw you through my words.
Maybe, we were spiteful. Or, maybe we meant it. I can’t tell if I did or not, and that’s why I haven’t called.
I’m sorry. Because, I miss you but I know I screwed up, and that our friendship is a thing of the past.
It’s hard using past tense. Was and were are such devastating words.
Maybe, we can visit present tense one day. If that’s alright with you…
I want to go back to when we were kids,
drunk on sunshine and sugar
rhyming poetry, because we were novices and thought poetry had to rhyme.
Linking arms; never separated for too long.
Anne and Diane.
We took the world, and made it our own.
Now you’re off on the west coast–
where I always thought you belonged–
but since you left, there’s a hole in my heart
and it grows every day.
No one corrects my grammar,
reads my stories,
listens to the chaos of my life,
shares milkshakes with me,
reads the same books as me,
shows me an amazing new song,
shares a twin bed with me,
holds me when I’m crying on the church floor.
sometimes I look back
on Taylor Swift songs in the car,
and daydreams of Prince Charming
I set those memories a blaze
I couldn’t even look at the photos,
so, I had someone else burn them
I tried to forget the man I grew to love,
that I left our friendship in pieces
I boxed up the letter, the earrings,
and in the process
I tried to box you up
threw you in the darkest part of memory closet
you’re both back
you love me still
I don’t deserve your friendships
I feel guilty how I tried to make you burn
it haunts me in my worst nightmares.
He typed, “I NEED you Olivia.”
I cried as I laid in my bed.
It wasn’t like all the boys I had known, who said to those four words to fill the void, and make me stay on the planet for one more day. It wasn’t meaningless. It was a cry.
“And I responded with angry because I’m scared for you, when really you deserve love.” I sob on the pillow.
“Love?” I scoff. “No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
And, his love isn’t full of lust or jealousy. It is friendly and understanding. That’s all I need, right now at least.
That’s the story of how I’m alive another day. Because, someone said they needed me, and how I deserve love.
That changed my perspective. I never thought I deserved anything…especially love.
he might not be the boy I’m in love with
we’re the best of friends though
he makes me smile through my tears
tells me I’m more than the mistakes I’ve made
he worries about my irrational fears
but always makes me laugh when I’m anxious
the only friend I’m not afraid to talk to first
I try to give back to him what he’s given me
but I come short
and every day I tell him thank you
but what he doesn’t know I’m thanking him for
finding me, and being my friend
what he sees in me, I’ll never know.
what if I was your life boat?
but every one told me to keep rowing by
so I let you drown?
I can see the light in your eyes
it’s fading and it hurts my soul
dammit, I got too attached to a merman.
you don’t belong on a lifeboat
because you can swim;
you thrive in that dirty water.