2017, the girl is changed
fought my way through depression and anxiety
found out the underlying roots, and scared me. it’s hard to face the things that made you.
almost took my life. gritted my teeth, and prayed for spring to bring regrowth.
harassed by a boy. and, I let him…
the only thing good that came of winter was finding a friend after losing her for so long.
the flowers are blooming, and the poetry vein reopened.
somehow, the air is still murky. scars are appearing outwardly.
here comes medication.
here comes healing.
I spend hours journaling away my pain, pushing it away, fighting,
fight, fight, poisoning it with ink
wondering, will it ever end?
a smile. a spark. a flitter. a little bit of glitter.
I hid my scars as the new skin grew over.
confident, I hadn’t felt confident in years.
traveling, catching memories, feeling the air clear.
and, at the end…a pair of ocean eyes…
fall. (what a coincidence, falling leaves, falling in love.)
he fell in love with my music taste, my smile, and the way I wrote him poetry.
I fell in love with the way he talked, how much we had in common, and how he was different.
we weren’t perfect. far from it. but, we were made for each other.
and, he was taken away from me.
then my friend and I fell apart. she and I were too stubborn, too stuck in our ways, and I wish I avoided the petty conflict.
my best friend far, far away held me together. encouraging me. feeding me love.
somehow, I kept smiling. I was determined to never sink down to where I had been.
running away. (or trying.)
planning. counting days. wanting to make something out of myself
writing. and, collecting my poetry in a volume.
determined to make a path for myself. ablaze, and so people will see the girl so close to crumbling, rose from her ashes.
loving everyone. though they wrong me. though they hate me. I accept what happens, happens for a reason.
stick around. the girl is planning great things.
(a book is coming this way…)
college. jobs. travel.
I’ll be busy.
learning. growing. and, finding myself after wasting two years.
here we go.