sadness and i go as far back as birth

i entered this world crying


joy tells me

just because i’ve known something my whole life

doesn’t mean i don’t deserve change

i’m ignoring sadness’ calls and dancing around my room with joy. 


a excerpt from my poetry volume, logolepsy, coming soon. 


mental illness

don’t tell me mental illnesses doesn’t change you

when I am finally singing my favorite songs again

getting out of the house

talking to people, and opening up to my friends

learning how to love right

finding who I am as a person

don’t tell me mental illness doesn’t affect my outlook on life 

you look for the scars on others,

you hear, ‘I’m okay,’ as ‘help me.’

you watch for the pauses or breaks in people’s voices

you worry about your loved ones

you fear relapse at every turn






strip away this girl.

give her pink nail polish, instead of black.

let her read magazines instead of philosophies.

give her coffee with cream and two sugars; black seems too bitter.

let her bury herself between rose fragrances and blush eyeshadows.

give her hope that sweet will cut the bitterness. even though we know, bitter starts at a young age, when someone decided you weren’t too young to learn adult-things. 

trade in the clash for radio hits.

laugh, smile, laugh, smile…just get used to it.

trade in her poetry journal entries for the ridiculous journals in the stores that say, you’ve got this or boss. 

…you’ll get used to this.

give her hope this hole in her heart, six feet deeper every year, can be fixed by brainwashing herself to be happy. 




we’re all human.

I told him how far I had fallen,

held my breath for the goodbye

for him to leave

but he just said,

 I’m not mad, we’re all human, love 

and, what would I do without you?

making me feel new when I have messed up


I called her, admitting things

I had been afraid to say

sobbing, crying, ashamed

and she just said

we’re all human, I could never judge you

and, the earth stopped shaking

when she chose to love me not hate me.


new year.

2017, the girl is changed



fought my way through depression and anxiety

found out the underlying roots, and scared me. it’s hard to face the things that made you.

almost took my life. gritted my teeth, and prayed for spring to bring regrowth.

harassed by a boy. and, I let him…

the only thing good that came of winter was finding a friend after losing her for so long.



the flowers are blooming, and the poetry vein reopened.

somehow, the air is still murky. scars are appearing outwardly.

here comes medication.

here comes healing.

I spend hours journaling away my pain, pushing it away, fighting,

fight, fight, poisoning it with ink

wondering, will it ever end? 



a smile. a spark. a flitter. a little bit of glitter.

I hid my scars as the new skin grew over.

confident, I hadn’t felt confident in years.

traveling, catching memories, feeling the air clear.


and, at the end…a pair of ocean eyes…


fall. (what a coincidence, falling leaves, falling in love.)

he fell in love with my music taste, my smile, and the way I wrote him poetry.

I fell in love with the way he talked, how much we had in common, and how he was different.

we weren’t perfect. far from it. but, we were made for each other.

and, he was taken away from me.

then my friend and I fell apart. she and I were too stubborn, too stuck in our ways, and I wish I avoided the petty conflict.

my best friend far, far away held me together. encouraging me. feeding me love.

somehow, I kept smiling. I was determined to never sink down to where I had been.


winter II.

running away. (or trying.)

planning. counting days. wanting to make something out of myself

writing. and, collecting my poetry in a volume.

determined to make a path for myself. ablaze, and so people will see the girl so close to crumbling, rose from her ashes.

loving everyone. though they wrong me. though they hate me. I accept what happens, happens for a reason.



stick around. the girl is planning great things.

(a book is coming this way…)

college. jobs. travel.

I’ll be busy.

learning. growing. and, finding myself after wasting two years.

here we go.