summer.

summer came and went

took our innocence

with the soft breeze

adolescence;

she caught up with us

finally, after all these years

from hiding from her

 

we traded in our dolls

for mixtapes and books

our lightheartedness,

disappeared when we

fell in love someone else

and forgot to love ourselves.

our contented souls now

tossed with restlessness

new ideas, places, people

confused us

 

i see you sometimes

in a hazy dream

your eyes,

lost on some highway road

searching for the exit sign

your hands,

bruised from fighting

tinged with blood

your laugh,

the melancholic chords

echoing throughout the car

 

that’s who we are now…

lost, but still driving

searching, but never finding

and i’m still getting used to it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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once, or now

once, I was young and lively

now, I am ancient and dead

once, I fell and scrapped my arms

now, I scrap them with the razor

once, I cried when my mother left me

now, I cry when they all leave me

once, I dreamed of paradise

now, I know paradise is lost

and, sometimes I ask myself

where are you little girl?

and she cries from a corner in my mind

so far out of reach

hidden with the color pink and dresses

with the dolls and the Narnia obsession

with the smiles and ribbons and glitter

my heart hurts to touch the things

my soul cringes and steps back

and I find myself in the pitch black world

filled with weapons and boundaries

with poems and bullies and high school angst

and suicide notes and boys who didn’t give a damn

I cannot figure out if once, or now are relevant

because sometimes, I’m breathing

but my breath is not off my lips

and my body has no feeling at all

 

 

 

The Perfect Moment

Chipped peach nails.

Chalk dust sprinkled on my feet.

I lay on the pavement and look at the sky; my little brother next to me.

‘It’s beautiful isn’t it?’ I say looking at him, his face stretched into a smile.

‘Yes.’ He says in his childish voice that I love so much.

I grab his hand and seep in the sun’s rays.

That moment was perfect.