Dear Someone XXXIV

Dear Someone,

This last week has been hard.

My therapist told me I wasn’t getting better, so they’re putting me on medication. To me, this was a huge blow. They also upped my amount of therapy.

My parents are kind of freaked out. So, they’re pulling me in more.

So, I’ve been dealing panic attacks, nerves, and myself, without letting people know.

Except on Wednesday…I decided to go to church, and I was trying to hold it together in front of my friends. Really, really trying. Because, none of them knew I struggled with depression and anxiety.

So, when we went out to eat, I went and sat in a corner by myself. Cursed my therapist and medication and I was frustrated with myself. I was trying not to cry. But–a friend came over and started saying how I wasn’t acting like myself.

I literally broke down. Tears, sobbing, rocking back and forth. He really helped and I’m thankful he was there.

Then later that night over the phone another friend asked if I was alright, and I admitted it to him too.

Yeah, I’m mentally exhausted, but can’t sleep at night. Trying not to self harm (failed a couple times.) Trying to help my friends, and I feel like I haven’t adequately because I feel so terrible. Trying not to cry. Trying to keep living.

Wish me luck.

 

Advertisements