lonely.

please don’t say goodbye again,

it’s breaking my heart.

I didn’t realize how lonely I was,

until you came and we talked for an hour.

it wasn’t long enough…

and soon you’ll be going home again

when this was once your home

this is heartbreaking,

I have to stop dwelling on the past.

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resuscitate.

someone give me life,

because lately I’m having a hard time staying awake

I laid in my bed–mid day–

and stared at my ceiling in silence

my sweatshirt doesn’t keep me warm anymore

I’m chilled to my core

there is a lump in my throat,

I tried to wash it away

but it’s latched on from my lack of tears

no one seems to understand it,

neither do I.

the basslines in my headphones,

resuscitate me long enough

to keep breathing.

 

 

fight time.

We sat side by side in the dressing room,

tears streaming down our faces,

broken, bleeding, crying for help;

you held my hand, and said we had to stay friends,

fight time,

fight the impending pages rustling by quickly…

too quickly.

I want to freeze time and stay with you.

I want to miss you every time I see a blonde;

to keep writing you letters with ‘I love you,’ implied in every line.

Life is cruel.

I won’t let it take you from me.

I love you too much.

 

 

 

in & out

on key singing;

your voice ringing in my head all week.

car window searching;

it’s your face I look for every time.

 

my favorite songs tells a story;

that I never heard until you came.

everyone tells me the rumors,

that I never heard from you.

 

the city lights shine,

like fallen stars.

I wonder where you are,

in the vast sky.

 

in and out of love;

we got lost before we found each other.

I’m tired of searching for you,

and you’re not even trying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it’s been a long month.

the girl pays for her coffee with quarters,

her trembling hands grasping for another cup,

alone, she sits.

the seat across is empty, someone once sat there

the coffee runs down her throat, and warms her heartless body.

it’s been a long month.

 

the breath is knocked out of her,

as she watches couples hold hands

a tear escapes, and she scolds herself

too attached; she got too attached

she shoves the emotions away

it’s been a long month.

 

dear someone, she writes in her journal

why am I alive?

because, all I do is disappoint

and I break beautiful things

I wonder if there a point to this pain?

it’s been a long month.

 

and, the seconds creep by

slowly, the days muddle into night

she tells the moon about her failings

slowly, the nights drift into day

and she plods along whispering as an excuse,

it’s been a long month.

 

 

 

past tense.

The Neighbourhood came out with an EP,

and I thought of you…the days we would sit in your brother’s Subaru, and sing the lyrics to The Beach.

You’re right…I’m abrasive, cold, and suppress emotions. I don’t want to hurt the people around me. I don’t want to disappoint.

When you wrote it though, I cried. I just realized how you actually saw me. And, I know you saw how I actually saw you through my words.

Maybe, we were spiteful. Or, maybe we meant it. I can’t tell if I did or not, and that’s why I haven’t called.

I’m sorry. Because, I miss you but I know I screwed up, and that our friendship is a thing of the past.

It’s hard using past tense. Was and were are such devastating words.

Maybe, we can visit present tense one day. If that’s alright with you…

 

anne & diane

I want to go back to when we were kids,

drunk on sunshine and sugar

rhyming poetry, because we were novices and thought poetry had to rhyme.

Linking arms; never separated for too long.

Anne and Diane.

We took the world, and made it our own.

 

Now you’re off on the west coast–

where I always thought you belonged–

but since you left, there’s a hole in my heart

and it grows every day.

 

No one corrects my grammar,

reads my stories,

listens to the chaos of my life,

shares milkshakes with me,

reads the same books as me,

shows me an amazing new song,

shares a twin bed with me,

holds me when I’m crying on the church floor.

Only you.