I’ll never understand people.
We break, fight, gossip, and hurt each other.
We throw our sticks, stones, and words.
We fall in love, we have best friends, we make promises.
We fall out of love, we lose our best friends, we break our promises.
And, it’s by choice.
I sometimes can’t sleep because I’m haunted by the way I’ve acted in the past…
I could’ve forgiven him sooner,
not listened to him,
been a better granddaughter,
not have harbored bitterness towards her,
pushed them away…
I can’t handle it. Do you hear me? I pass all these people, and I miss them.
I think about these people, and I think if only they had lived longer…if only if I had understood…
And, there’s things I think I will never understand, or forgive. Trauma after trauma, they make me sick. But–those people will never apologize, and you have to live with that as well.
I don’t want to process it anymore. I don’t want to talk. I just want to shut myself in a dark room and die there.
I can’t hurt anyone there.
No one can hurt me there.
Being human is getting too complicated.