I don’t recognize myself anymore,
who is this girl?
I never look her in the eyes
or tears will ruin her perfect facade
of foundation and mascara
and then everyone will know.
people say, “I love you.”
people say, “you’re not alone.”
but I feel alone
when they hug me, I feel numb
as if I was static on the television
as if I was peering in from the window
24 hours of misery
sometimes a break in between.
I’m lying because I’m so accustomed
to keeping my feelings to myself.
I hardly cry, instead I bleed
I hardly try anymore.
and, I’m scared to be happy
because I know what’s like to have it stolen
and, I’m scared of what people think
because I know what’s it like to be rejected
and, I’m not scared to die
because I’m so damn tired of fighting myself.