There a side of me which only comes out when I’m alone. When I turn on the stereo full-blast and listen to music.
It is only then, I sing confidently and to my full potential. It is only then, something in me comes alive.
No makeup on, my hair thrown up in a messy bun, pajamas, and chores to do.
Sometimes, I sing love ballads. I act like the boy on the track is singing to me, and my voice is all he wants to hear. I harmonize with him and feel like if he was in front of me, he would take my hands.
There are times I sing sad songs. Usually when I’m in terrible mood, Birdy comes on, and I sing with her tears streaming down my face.
Other times, I listen to my endless alternative/singer-songwriter/indie playlist. I play my air guitar, and sing the words I know by heart (especially Fun. and Coldplay because they’re my favorite alt. bands.) Sometimes, I have to sing fast with Twenty-One Pilots and Ed Sherran.
And then there’s my decades music. My 80’s hard rock and pop, 90’s grunge and pop, 70’s funk, 60’s classic rock, and even 50’s doo-wop. My favorite is probably the 60’s or 80’s, they’re extremely fun to sing your heart out to.
I dance because no one’s watching, sometimes by myself twirling around the house, sometimes with a broom.
But perhaps my favorite thing to do is turn on my totally girl playlist–my Paramore, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, 5SOS, One Direction, Meghan Trainor, and etc. playlist. The songs that lift me up in a moment. Usually, I’ll do my makeup ridiculously and dress in the coolest things I own–and I’ll pretend I’m in a music video. I’ll flip my hair and roll my eyes–be this sassy, drama queen.
After the music stops, I sit on the couch, smiling. Sure, no one really knows this side of me, but some have caught glimpses of her–when I rapped in Caroli’s brother’s car and her jaw dropped or we danced at the Ellie Goulding concert. When Sunny saw me lip-sync to Shut Up And Dance or we sang Sweater Weather in the mall.
Music is an escape. If I focus on their words, and find the harmonies, I lose myself in the process. I don’t know where I go, but it’s paradise. When hurt, I turn on my headphones and sink away. I want to block people out, not talk. I want to find some lyric that describes my mood.
I truly know the meaning for ‘shaking it off.’ I’ve done it so many times, because it’s true…people are going to be fake, they’re going to keep gossiping, lying, stealing, cheating, hating, leaving. But I’ve learned just wait until you’re alone, turn on some songs, and sing and dance until your heart is lifted.