We have purpose. Everything happens for a reason.
As I sat in my room last night, that single truth brought tears to my eyes.
Because for the longest time, I struggled with the idea that I had a purpose. How could anyone so unpopular and quiet have purpose? How could the girl who sat in the church bathroom, crying because she felt so unloved by her peers, have a purpose?
I used to think as I sat, brought down so often, how could someone so untalented have purpose?
My old youth pastor, used to sit next to me, and say, ‘You will make a difference Liv.’ But I didn’t believe him. For some reason I couldn’t see myself as special, but only unwanted. He always believed in me though, always stopping to talk to me, putting me on his team, teasing me. I didn’t know what he was doing then though, so I pushed him away, because I thought he wanted to make me look like fool.
I remember my last year of camp with him, I requested a group of girls, who didn’t really care for me, but I thought they were they coolest. He placed me with a group without a camp leader and were unpopular, just like me. I was angry with him, I didn’t understand everyone else got the group they wanted, except me.
It had a purpose. Because by the end of that week, those girls sat huddled around me, flooding me with stories of hardships. We cried and prayed and grew in Christ, while I watched the other girls just laugh and make jokes. And by the end of the week…I remember one writing in my book. Liv, you’re beautiful and sweet. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and you are talented. Thank you for being here for me this week. And when he preached a sermon on bullying others, I remember just sitting in the backrow, tears streaming down my face.
I never got to chance to thank him for the opportunity, because not soon after, we moved churches.
Just when I thought I might settle down with a group of girls who liked me for me, we moved. At first I was angry, I didn’t understand why God would let me make friends just to lose them. But God works in mysterious ways.
At my new church home, I’ve had the chance to witness to a couple of kids in VBS. Give them friendship to the ones without friends. Even if they ask me to sing or dance with them, I don’t mind because when they smile, it’s reward enough.
I’ve had the chance to use my voice. I mean, sure, I’m not the most amazing vocalist, but better use it than let it go to waste. I let it go to waste for the longest time, because one person told me I wasn’t good.
I’ve had the chance to make some really good friends.
And who knows, maybe one day I can write something for them…
That old youth pastor lives in Georgia now. One day, I’m going to go visit him and thank him for never giving up on me. For trying to make me feel special. For encouraging me to break open the cage, and smell the roses a bit.
Because now I realize what he was trying to teach me those five years.
Only when you release the pain and chains holding you, can God really use you for His will.
So as I sat in my bed last night, I realized I needed to let go of what I was holding back.
I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t give up. Because I know I did once. And I know life throws everything at you, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And one day when you look back like I did, you’ll see it…