Mediocrity–My Greatest Fear

I want more than this—this mediocrity.

I want to see places and know. To be able to say I’ve been there.

I want to do what I love, and not settle for less than that. People who do fill me with grief, and I will not give up on these dreams.

I want to get married—no matter what I say out loud. Deep down, in my heart, I know I want that undying love.

I want children. I want to teach them about fairies and take them on adventures. I want to offer them the world, and fuel their dreams—because I know they’re important.

I want to be someone people trust and care about. The person people ask advice from, someone people write to.

I want to help others; I want to be there for them.

But right now…I’m stuck.

Insecure.

Without love.

Writing on scrap paper and my random thoughts.

Barely ever leaving the state.

My greatest fear in life, the fear I conceal from people; is that I will die in mediocrity. That I will never live the life I wanted to lead. That I will never be known—that I will rot in my grave to be forgotten, and never spoken of.

It sends an uncertainty into my heart, making me feel forever uneasy.

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Mediocrity–My Greatest Fear

  1. I completely agree with this post 🙂 One of my biggest fears, like you, is dying without having the opportunity to really live my life, and then end up being forgotten forever

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand and agree with this, but I feel like there are adventures in lots of things. You’re not automatically going to go on an amazing adventure, start out small and get involved with people and groups that give you the opportunities that lead to adventure

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly. You have to work up to it. Just live while can, I’m a big believer in making yourself happy now while working towards the future.
        And sorry, I normally don’t like hearing really positive comments when I don’t agree, but I’m trying to say that life is going to be boring sometimes and ritualistic, but finding the adventure in little things is what leads to you finding cool people and experiences.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree with you, but there’s also a lot of adventure and magic in things that seem mediocre. Like, on a large scale, you may feel stuck and feel as if you’re no doing anything, but that’s not true. Think about the past year and think of everything you’ve achieved, big or little. Think of every good memory you’ve made with family, friends, pets, or boyfriends/girlfriends. All that is undeniably mediocre, but you still had fun, you still got something out of mediocrity.

    Liked by 1 person

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