Nothing Feels The Same Anymore


I am growing older.

It is becoming obvious.

I don’t find joy in half the things I used to. Halloween isn’t fun because I wonder if my costume is good enough. Thanksgiving isn’t the same. Christmas isn’t as magical.

I see the flaws, I see the arguing, I see the problems, I see the darkness, I see responsibility.

Driving. Watching younger siblings. Parties. Boys. School. Friendships.

They are all harder than expected.

I don’t want to lose my childish whimsies and dreams. I want to keep wearing fairy costumes and playing pretend. But it gets harder and harder as time plods on.

I want to still find happiness in the little things. The first rush of cold air in the humidity. The first Christmas special. A hug. Riding in the rain. Sitting in the grass and pulling up the roots. Finding a lucky penny (my brother found three for me a couple days ago, and I just nodded and put them in my pocket.)

I want to watch Phineas and Ferb with a happy heart and laugh my head off, and not feel judged.

I want to be able to want to visit the Smithsonian for a whole week and jump off a waterfall without people thinking I am ‘naïve.’

I want to be able to jam in the car to stupid songs without people noticing me and thinking ‘what a childish thing to do.’

Responsibility tells me to stop, but I just can’t.


6 thoughts on “Nothing Feels The Same Anymore”

  1. One of my favourite quotes is ‘As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It’s not that we don’t want to, but too much has happened and we can’t’. I think this relates to what you’re saying about Christmas being magical and childhood being missed. I wish I could go back just for a few minutes. To remember the fun, the happiness, the love.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t listen to that responsibility. Listen to your heart, and enjoy the moment. Breathe in that first breath of fresh air and smile. Feel the wind on your face, and smile. Laugh whilst you’re running in a park, hair streaming out behind you. And most important – ENJOY YOURSELF. You deserve it.

    Liked by 1 person

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