So I’m sitting in study hall–the place where all my deepest most profound thoughts come from, I mean seriously all my posts are thought of in study hall, I write better in there, maybe it’s the lighting or the floor. Sorry tangent. I was sipping my coffee, doing my history homework, and listening to Journey, when I looked up and saw them.
They were sitting on the couch in study hall, listening to their IPods, sharing tibbits off their phones with each other, laughing and just having a grand old time. I wanted so bad to sit on that couch and talk, have a good laugh. I know all of them (I go to a really small school) and talk to them. But when they bunch together and sit at their individual tables and couches, I feel as if a barrier is there. Something that makes them cool and makes me uncool.
They never said I couldn’t sit with them, in fact one of the girls said I could. But…I always find myself on the other side of the room, watching them.
Why do I feel like they are cooler or even more awesome than me? They aren’t, we like the same things and talk the same way (with you know, my weird quirks still a bit weirder) but I cannot help but think they’re cooler.
Which leads to the bigger question of what defines cool? It used to be a leather jeans and RayBans, pink skirts and bubble gum. Then cut off shirts and Nikes, permed hair and neon colors. And though there is a cool style, I feel like if I tried to be Hipster I would still wouldn’t classify as ‘cool.’ There’s a walk, a talk, a personality that goes with cool. There is just a feeling.
And I just want to break the glass. To sit with the cool kids, to pop their bubbles and make them shift in their seats.
But I don’t want them. No, I just want them to realize that I am there, and I am special also.